it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
