she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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