And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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