We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
