I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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