That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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