this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
