hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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