He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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