She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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