how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
