I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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