dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
jump out the window naked night went bad
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
