New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
