Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
