if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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