I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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