i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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