you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
