I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
