How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
