She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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