is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
