i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
