somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
