We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize