Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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