That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
