Just fell off a train. Bad.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
