Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
