woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
