i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
