thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
