Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
