Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
