a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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