All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
