I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
