I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am one with the molecules
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
