Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
