Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
