theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
