He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
