I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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