ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
