Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
