You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
