The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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