He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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