I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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