hotel room ftw
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I lost the right to judge tonight
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
