I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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