The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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