I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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