He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
