I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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