Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
