He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
