she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
