Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
