I got chris browned last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Olympian is in my bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
