youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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