He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
