Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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