You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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