So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
