How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
