I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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