I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
