sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
