Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
