I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
