Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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